F U, Penguin: Telling Cute Animals What’s What-Fast Shipping

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Perfect for the Scrooge in your life—a profane, hilarious takedown of all things cute and cuddly, by the author of the blog sensation of (almost) the same name

Attention, all you clumsy pandas, lovable puffins, huggable bunnies, and penguinsthat elicit ooohs and aaahs: The jig is up! We have lived under your furry fistsfor too long.

There is a cute and present danger lurking out there–in the wild,in the zoos, and sometimes even in our very own homes. Spurred on by the Cute IndustrialComplex, these cuddly animals have taken over blockbuster films, inspirational posters,and computer desktops everywhere, further weakening the innocent civilians who arebeguiled by these fuzzy frauds.

But you are stronger than them, aren’t you? Thosesoft bellies and wet noses are no match for you–and their free ride has just cometo an end.

F U, Penguin
is the rallying cry for those who choose to fight thesepower-hungry cute-mongers. Loaded with color photographs and hilarious commentary,this book will have you laughing out loud while it simultaneously saves you fromthe tragic fate of tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle-nursing baby pandasforever.

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“Finally, a book for the rest of us! Mostanimals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposedin these chapters.I wasn’t sure how many more times I could hear about those greatpenguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people… well, more people,anyway.”—Jerry the Shark

“Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitateto kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decenthuman being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices.”—Dennis the Krill

“It’s all true. We’re the worst.”—Anonymous Penguin

“The average dolphin is farbeyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyablebook for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relativesat the common ancestor reunion.”—Edward the Dolphin

“Thank you for your , this style of book is not something we are currently looking , we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!”—Danielle the Bear,Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing